Stretch Marks

I have stretch marks.  My body is marked with stretch marks from what it endured while carrying both my baby girls.  My body was changed, shifted, stretched, made uncomfortable, tested, made easily tired....all through carrying children.  You can see on me marks left from carrying those two baby girls.  And I wouldn't trade those marks for anything.  Because the moment Maren was placed in my arms, I knew what I was made to do with my life.  Being a Mom has been the best gift anyone could give me.  


With this third "pregnancy", new stretch marks are forming.  I am not sure my heart has ever been this stretched, changed, shifted, tested........bulging, then it is right now.  There are days when I feel as though I am ready to bust at the seams and then I remember I am only in my first trimester!  



I got to thinking yesterday morning about being a Mom.  What a Mom is....who a Mom is.  I have been influenced deeply by many Moms in my life.  Of course, my Mother is one of the greatest people I know.  I am so thankful that God chose her to be the one to raise me.  But just as I pray for my own children, other women have come alongside my Mom to mold and shape me.  So thankful for them.


And my heart....stretching again, began to think of the child that was missing in my life this Mother's Day.  And breaking even harder.....for the Mom who will make the ultimate sacrifice because she places her child's well being way above her right to be a Mom.  I prayed for her all day.  Wondering how she was.  Wondering if she had a meal.  If she was safe.  If she was lonely.  If she was being loved.  If she was pregnant......if she had just left her baby at an orphanage.........walking away with the greatest stretch marks ever to be left on her own heart.  My heart stretched further yesterday.


As I was praying before church, I was reminded by the stretch marks left on my Savior Jesus that day on Calvary.  He stretched His arms to death in order for me to have life.....eternal life with Him forever.  This death....this stretch.....was so that I would not have to bear the mark of my sins....that I would be healed of my scars for eternity.  Wiped clean.  Made new.  Then I was overcome with gratitude.  Gratitude for the stretch marks He endured to adopt me into His family.....nothing compared to the stretch marks I have.


Part of living like Jesus.....for Jesus......is the stretch.  Adoption has been the catalyst to teach me about this part of my walk with Christ.  And now, I long for the stretch.  Because it has been in this stretch that I have learned more about myself, more about this world, more about people, more about my marriage, more about parenting, and more about my Savior then any other journey.  


Are you being stretched?  Do you know that the marks of your sins are wiped clean?  Do you know that you have a Savior that stretched His whole body in order for you to be righteous, holy, reborn, remade, accepted, worthy, beloved, made in the image of the Giver of life?!?!   The stretch of following Jesus will change you, shift you, make you grow weary, it will be exhilarating, uncomfortable, and the greatest stretch of your life.


Here are some photos of what we have been up to lately:

Movement

Dearest Reader,

     Are you still out there?  Have you given up hope of anything being posted on this blog?   I have to admit.....since my last post in FEBRUARY, I have been a bit crippled.  Not only in just the sheer sense of having the time to write anything worth posting, but also crippled in the desire to write something that would be worth reading.  Something that would spur someone on to encouragement.  But I have missed writing.....I have missed connecting and sharing in this space.  To be honest, I just have the desire to write.....who knows what might be placed on this "page" tonight.

     Here we are in MAY!  Excuse me?  May?  How did this happen?  I have missed posting wait list movement for the month of February, March, and now April.  Just so you know.....there has been movement!  We are now......drum roll please..........#81 for a girl (2 spots), and #63 for a boy (3 spots).  Not amazing movement, but movement none the less.  Yet to be honest......the movement since the beginning of this whole journey that is note worthy at all, is the movement that the Lord has done in my heart.  Truly.  I have never experienced a sweep in my life and heart like I have experienced since saying yes to the call to adopt.  My faith has been shaken, God has taken me down on my knees time after time, I have awoken in the night many times to pray for people and places that are just burning on my heart, doubt, frustration, fear have been ever present, and the Lord ALWAYS, let me say again, He has ALWAYS come back to crush all of that fear, all of that doubt, all of that frustration for me to reveal Himself in ways I have never seen.  For THIS movement, I rejoice.  And it is THIS movement that I am very content in waiting.  God has changed my heart and opened my eyes.....making HIS world more evident to me and smaller to me.  He has broken my heart for the least of these in a way I cannot explain.  I cannot explain why 66 kids within this last hour have been infected with HIV.  I cannot explain why 25,000 people have died today of starvation.  But God has opened my eyes to these things.....and I have stopped pretending as if I don't see.  My desires are changing.  My priorities are changing.  The things that used to matter to me, truly make no difference to me.  I have become a documentary junkie.  Biography junkie.  I am fascinated by people who have made their LIVES out of reaching to the least.  Dedicated themselves to fight for the ones who cannot fight for themselves.  I want in.  One of my favorite author/speakers/adoptive moms Jen Hatmaker says, "Sometimes the right things have to die so the right things can live."  Selfishness, jealousy, greed, pride, power, accumulation, self preservation........they have to go!  They have to go so community, generosity, compassion, mercy, brotherhood, grace, kindness, love can LIVE!  

     Dave and I have become friends with an awesome family from Kenya.  They remind us that we live in such a bubble......we (Americans), do not live in community.  We are so self focused.  We desire to live the American Dream....forgetting that some people struggle each day just to live at all!  Dave and I have seen that we have it all backwards.....and we want to be flipped around!  

     It is this movement that I am thankful.  I know that it won't stop.  I know that there is so much more that the Lord desires to show me, teach me, refine me, humble me......the difference is that I am willing.

Some documentaries that have wrecked me:

A Walk to Beautiful

Angels in the Dust

Great Books:

There is No Me Without You by Melissa Fy Greene

Kisses From Katie  (www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com) by Katie Davis

7 by Jen Hatmaker (www.jenhatmaker.com

Granted these are all in Africa and that is just where God has my heart right now.  He is showing me this new land, the people in it, and what He is doing there.  It is overwhelming to think....how do I fit in all of these problems?  Where does one begin in helping?  But Katie Davis, missionary in Uganda, states that her job isn't to solve the problems in Uganda, but to serve the one that God brings to her each day.  And I believe that is so profound.  We are ALL called to serve the ONE that God brings to us each day all throughout the day.  Whether it be our spouse, kids, friends, stranger, the one who sacks our groceries, homeless man on the street, etc........are you open to see the one?  Pray that God would show you just one person to serve this day.  Pray that He would open your eyes to see just one.  I guarantee that you will begin to see two, three, four......your heart will begin to break, your eyes will be opened, and you will be changed.....for the better.  Because the point isn't to be here to achieve it all.....it is to give it all away.  Because it is in our giving that spiritual formation begins.  Sacrifice breathes transformation into our hearts.  

Here is to movement.  Movement I NEVER expected.  

Our Lent Journey

     One of our New Year's Resolution this year is to be intentional.  And I mean....that takes some work.  Time.  Investment.  Sacrifice.  And I must say....it is so worth it!  And this post is about another way for us to be intentional with our girls.  Our family.  In order to teach them more and more about how much Jesus loves them.  And this season could not be a better picture of just how much Jesus loves us!

     My family always observed the Lent season growing up.  We always talked about giving one thing up and adding one thing to our lives in order to see Jesus in a more full way.  I am so thankful for parents who taught me this discipline!  When we were young it was things like pop and ice cream.  We didn't have facebook, twitter, cell phones, etc....so our distractions were not like what I feel our youth (and adults) face now.  I will say that a life changing Lent was 5 years ago when I gave up make-up.  I had been asking the Lord what He wanted me to set aside for the Lent season in order to see Him more fully.  And I was getting ready for Ash Wednesday service when He spoke.  I was putting another layer of foundation on....disgruntled with how I looked in the mirror.  And there was my answer....make-up.  "Let me teach you how I see you".  And I did it.  I gave my make-up to Dave in order to hide.....it was freeing.  It was hard.  But it was beautiful.  The next year.....I had our first baby on Ash Wednesday.  And that began the journey of learning sacrifice in ways I never knew were possible.  This years came really easy.....I knew what it was....but still decided to pray hoping that maybe something else would pop up.  But I knew.  It was television.  We don't have cable....so it isn't a matter of what I was watching.....it was a matter of WHY I was watching....and then what that led me to.  Complacency.  Distraction.  Procrastination.  Laziness.  Waste of time.  Shutting my brain and heart down.  A downward spiral for me.  I knew that today would be hard....and I thought, "I should watch a show" a number of times today.  But was able to ask the Lord to fill me in those moments.

     But what about my family?  What about my kiddos?  How do you teach toddlers about Lent?  I called my amazing friend Stacia yesterday to check in and talk to her about what the Lord had for her this Lent season.  I asked her how she was teaching her girls....and well.....what poured out of her mouth was exactly what my heart was longing for.  And I must say.....I haven't been more excited for Lent season with my family.  (NOTE:  All of this has been stolen from Stacia so I take no credit)

HERE IS THE BREAKDOWN:

                 OUR LENT CALENDAR                                           GIVE OUT BOX

We have three parts to each day; Pray, Fast, and Give.  Here is how that works:

PRAY:

*Each day we have a special intention that we are going to pray for in the morning at breakfast.  I am hopeful this begins a great rhythm of prayer for us.

Monday- Widows and Orphans

Tuesday- Those who don't know Jesus

Wednesday- Churches and Pastors

Thursday- Our Family

Friday- Our Friends and Neighbors

Saturday- Our World and Leaders

Sunday- Thanksgiving for all we have

*We started a month ago writing down things that the girls want to pray for on 3x5 notecards.  Granted, Savanah said Dorah, but you know what?  I wrote her down....because it was on Savanah's heart....good to pray for kids programming too.  Then each night the girls take turns picking out a card and that is what we pray for before dinner.  So we will be continuing that as well.  The girls love doing this!  I must say this has become a fun thing for me to tell people.  I will let people know that our girls mentioned them to pray for this month or I will let them know we prayed for them at dinner.  I have gotten some great responses from people.

FAST:

*Teaching the girls about giving something up is a little over their heads.  So Stacia talked about teaching them to Give Out instead.  So I got a box and the girls decorated it today.  Then each day, the girls will each pick something from our pantry to give out, put it in the box, and then we will deliver the box to a food pantry at the end of the season.

*I also listed what I am giving up and what Dave is giving up

*We are going to be observing the Sabbath each Sunday too (something I have been wanting to do)  Not sure how that will look for us, but we are praying about that.

GIVE:

*Each day the girls are going to count something in our house that is designated on the calendar.  For instance, stairs, chairs, tables, lamps, bath toys, books, shoes, toilets, sinks, etc......after we count them we will give the girls a penny for however many they found.  They will put the pennies in a piggy bank and then we will tithe that money to our Bible Study, BSF.   Great way for them to see how incredibly blessed we are!

****At the end of each day the girls put a cross sticker on that day so we can count down to Easter.

****I also let them each pick out a sticker pack and they get that sticker after they do the counting

****I got a Scripture CD as well that puts scripture to songs.  We are listening to that and hopefully going to start memorizing some scripture each week.

So this is our new rhythm.  The girls are very excited and we are very excited!  Intentionality feels so great!

How are you being intentional this Lent season?  Would love to hear things that your family does!

Below are some long awaited photos of our paper chain revamped and our first snowman this season!

Convinced

First of all, Happy Valentine's Day!  I have never been a really big Valentine's Day person....mostly due to the fact I didn't have that many Valentine's in my life :)  But also....I would much rather be loved on a random day then a day that Hallmark made up!  I am looking forward to tonight because I will be spending it with women who I adore and am thankful to have in my life!  


Now on to more.......adoption.  Today my heart certainly longs for the child we are waiting for.  I prayed this morning that he/she would feel loved today and that his/her family and Mom would feel and know the love of Christ in their lives.  That today might be a day when they see or feel Him in a tangible way.  Not much has been happening on this side of the world with adoption, but I know that in Addis....much is being done.  I know that there are so many people that are advocating for the orphan.  It might feel slow here to me but I know that there are amazing people who are doing their job above and beyond to advocate and defend those who cannot themselves.  I must say that our paper chain has been a little on the lacking side.  I think I fell into discouragement and just plain stopped doing it.  But I realized that I was not rejoicing in the story of my child....no matter how it is unfolding.  So friends, I am going to revive that chain today....get new numbers written down and start taking pictures again.  


Yesterday when I was reading in Genesis a verse popped up to me.  I love it when the Lord does that.  When you have read something so many times but then at once, something old becomes new again to you.  

GENESIS 3:6 (NLT)"The woman was convinced.  She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her.  She took some of the fruit and ate it.  Then she gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate it too."

I couldn't get away from the word, "convinced".  Eve was convinced.  It made me wonder....what lies has the devil convinced me of....what lies have I taken to heart....twisted in order to get my way.....justified to make myself feel better.  Isn't that what we always have to do with sin?  Convince ourselves that we are justified in our behavior so we feel better.  As opposed to just calling it what it is.  Sin.  Disobediance.  Desiring our own way.  Wanting what we want when we want it and how we want it.  And ultimately...Eve's decision to disobey effected someone else...Adam.  And the same is true for us.  No sin we commit effects only ourselves....ultimately it will effect those around you.  This began a great time for me to ask the Lord to reveal to me what is in my heart that needs to go.  What lies have I been convinced of that the Lord needs to remove from my heart?  The Lord never needs to convince us into believing anything.  But the devil always has to convince us.  The devil has come to steal, kill, and destroy.  And by convincing to convincing to convincing he can accomplish just that.  Because at times, before we know it, we are in a pit and wondering how we got there in the first place.  For me.....it has always just been one little lie at a time. A slow progression.  A slow fade.  And the ONLY thing I want to be convinced of is,

ROMANS 8:38-39(NIV)"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

It is through the Holy Spirit that I have the power to turn away from the devil's convincing and turn to truth in the Word.  To know the truth about God through His Word so that I might know the truth about myself.  I am thankful for His Word and how it speaks to me, challenges me, and convicts me. 

So friends.....what are you convinced of today?  Are you struggling with trusting the Lord?  Believing His Word to be true?  Believing that He really does have the whole world in His hands.  Trusting that He is a promise keeper?  Whatever it is.....be in His Word.  That is the only way to know Him personally and in turn learn the truths of who you are.  When you are beginning to hear the voice of the convincer pray for the Lord to speak to you.  Pray that you would hear His voice alone.  And know today that you are loved by the God of this universe.  That nothing can separate you from this love because of Jesus.

**Pictures to follow soon!

Four Years Ago Today

THIS IS A DAY LATE........But.......


It was Wednesday (Ash Wednesday) at 5:00am and I could no longer sleep.  The contractions were coming not on a very regular basis, but enough that I couldn't lay any longer.  I also think that my excitement level and nerves were very high.  You see......your due date was January 31st.....and it was February 6th.....we were more than ready for you (or so we thought).  That week I went to the mall everyday to walk and walk and walk.  Thinking that that would help speed things along. And now....the day was here.  I told your Dad that I was feeling contractions but nothing big (I was sort of worried to be wrong) so he went off to work.  I tried to do things as usual.....talked to Grandma Diane on the phone and it was all I could do to now tell her that I was really beginning to feel contractions.  They were growing and I began to write down the time and lengths.  I finally called your Dad and told him that I thought I was in labor and to come and have lunch at home with me.  When he arrived home he could see that this time.....I was not kidding around.  I told him to eat because I didn't know what kind of day we would had ahead of us and then we made the car ride over.  I was nervous....excited.....but nervous.....it was time.


Your Grandma and Grandpa Campbell began the drive down from Lincoln and shortly after they left Aunt Amy and Uncle Austin began their drive as well.  Grandma and Grandpa Lee were there too!  We had a great nurse who was everything I had prayed for....her name was Emma.....so thankful for her.  But.....as with many first time births....the day was long waiting for my body to prepare to bring you into this world.  But around 8pm it was time to begin pushing.  And over an hour later you arrived....9:45pm.  It was a moment I will never forget.  You came into this world and went straight to my chest!  I couldn't believe my eyes.  It was love at first sight.  But you were not crying so they whisked you away to get some fluids out of you.  The nurse did a great job getting you all in a fuss :)  And then it was time to introduce you to the family that had been waiting.  
Maren Elizabeth Campbell  
6 pounds 15 ounces
19.75 inches
Perfect
You were an amazing baby.  You loved schedules.  You loved routines.  You also loved to cry from about 5pm-7pm every night.  But your Grandpa Jim would come over after work and walk our house back and forth holding you while you cried to give this new Momma a break.  You and I bonded during the wee hours of the night.  I sang to you.  Read to you.  I might have fallen asleep on you a few times ;)  But you and I were best buds.  I loved doing things with you.


You have always been a determined child.  Determined mostly to do things in your way and in your time.  You have always had a tender heart, compassionate, loving, joyful.  You are a thinker.  Born with your brow furrowed.  Always thinking things through, observing, careful to make each next step.  I admire this quality.


You were only 21 months when you became a big sister and it was a role I know you were always  meant to play.  You love your sister so well.  Always sharing, always willing to take care of her, worried for her when she cries.  I am thankful for how you love your family.  


I am impressed each day by you and thankful that the Lord chose me to be your Mommy.  I love watching the Cosby show with you eating popcorn.  I love when you wake up early and come snuggle with me in bed.  I love that you paint.  I love that you love to be silly.  I love that you love to have dance parties.  I love that you are silly.  I love that you love to sit and read the Bible with me.  I love listening to you pray.  


Four years ago today my life changed in an instant.  I am constantly learning more about myself as I learn to mother you.  Our walk hasn't been easy.....but it has been the best journey of my life.  I love you Maren Elizabeth!

Your First Pony Tail

At the Lake with Daddy

The first time you met Savanah....you were in love!

You and Savy are great sisters!

Campson I....you are so much fun to hang out with

You are ready to be another Big Sister to your Brother or Sister from Ethiopia

This is the perfect Maren face :)

Fourth Birthday Party....Princess and Prince Tea Party

Numbers

January wait list numbers entered my inbox at about 8:30pm January 31st.  I must say that I knew there wasn't going to be dramatic movement....but in my heart....there was hope being held.  And indeed.....there was not much movement!
BOY= #75
GIRL= #93
So as you can tell things are moving at a slower pace since we signed on a year ago.....since 6 months ago.  The process as a whole in Ethiopia is slowing down due to extra scrutiny that is taking place over paperwork for orphans.  I am so thankful for the people who are advocating for each child in order to keep adoptions ethical.  And when I say "each" that is not a joke....each file.  Although....it is hard to feel the pace slow down.  It is amazing to think of how many people are working to advocate for each orphan and I am so thankful.  That will be a part of our story to our child...."I want you to know how many people were fighting for you?"  Thankful.


Yesterday I went to see the show "Honk" that my friends directed.  It is a musical based on the story of the Ugly Duckling.  It was very good and the kids did a great job.  But at the end....listening to the dialogue....tears welled up in my eyes....and my Momma heart was wanting to pour out.


UGLY:  You didn't really think I'd leave you...
MOMMA:  Oh, but you must....
UGLY:  But why?  I don't care whose egg I came out of- you are my Mother.......It takes all sorts to make a world, and you said yourself that the duck yard would be boring if we all looked the same.......


My heart was welling over and the tears began to stream.  It is true....a Mom is a Mom.  And my family would be so boring if we all looked the same.  Not everyone will understand our family....some will (and have) criticized.  But the Lord has called me....called our family and therefore we are going to have a family that isn't boring.....that isn't the same as every other family.  And I am excited for this egg to hatch :)

I want to know you

Today is a weepy day for me.  Just plain weepy.  My heart aches.  But I rejoice in His Word.  I read in Genesis 1 that in ONE word the Lord created light.  Can you imagine being there the moment that God said, "let there be light" and all of a sudden....light was there!  And in one word the Lord could do whatever it is He wanted.  But there are times when he waits to speak, so that we might have the opportunity to know Him more fully.  I read this poem on another blog and loved it.....had to share.  Here is to knowing Him more and more.  And here is to the anticipation of what it will look like when He speaks!


Wait
By Russel Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quielty, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I can relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to Wait?
I'm needing a 'Yes', a go ahead sign.
Or even a 'No', to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and I grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting...for what?"

Then He seemed to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause the mountians to run.

I could give you all that you seek and pleased would you be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkeness and silence are all that you see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and that I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask.
From an infinate God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greastest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft my answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still "Wait."